03 Pressure From Parents

Key Points Summary:


In this video, we look at understanding pressure from our parents. This means recognising that:
  • The more we respect and love the person, the greater we'll feel the weight of their expectations if we're not aware of it.
  • Parents want the best for us out of love - but they often project it towards us in the form of fear. This fear is what creates the pressure we feel.
  • Our parents inherited their fears from their parents and their cultures. But the world our grandparents came from is very different from the world we live in now - we can choose not to inherit these fears!
  • One of the worst forms of fear is control - and people tend to control others when they feel out of control in their own lives.
  • We deal with parental pressure by learning to block out their voices (because we both want the same thing for us fundamentally, which is for us to be healthy, happy and successful) and treating them with compassion instead of resentment (as we now understand why they act in such fearful ways).
  • We're all aiming for the same thing - by focusing on satisfying our own goals and desires, we'll automatically satisfy theirs. Act as if you were the only one directing yourself towards your goals!
  • DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR CLARIFICATION as to why they're expecting certain things of you - we often avoid the conversation because we fear it'll be awkward or uncomfortable. But we're not mind readers, and we can't assume that our parents' intention is to put us under pressure! And in most cases, our parents will be supportive if they know we're actively trying to achieve our ideal goals and outcomes.

If you're experiencing any form of physical, verbal or emotional abuse from your parents, please speak to someone who can help, for example a counsellor or a teacher that you trust, who can then guide you regarding your next steps.

For less serious situations, please do get in touch with me if you'd like to organise a family coaching session (students and parents together), so that we can address parental pressure from both perspectives.

Activities:


Write down the various expectations that your parents have of you, and then for each one, answer the following questions (it may help to have a conversation with your parents to help answer Q1 & 2!):
  1. Why do my parents want this outcome for me?
  2. What are my parents' fears for me? Where did these fears come from? 
  3. Understanding this, how can I begin cultivating more compassion for them?
  4. If my parents weren't putting any pressure on me, would I want this same outcome for myself?
  5. What actions would I be taking to achieve my own ideal outcome?

Hopefully, the answers to these questions will help you clarify your first steps towards letting go of the pressure you feel from your parents. 

Recommended Reading:


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Studies & Articles Referenced:


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